Horses are worth their weight in gold, says Carolyn Henderson

An innocent question posted on an equestrian online forum has sparked hilarious insights into horse owners’ mentality: “How do you stop your non-horsey partner knowing how much you spend on your horse?”

Some answers were serious, others light-hearted – I think. All were from women with male partners and prove that we are definitely the smarter/more devious of the sexes.

One responder said she bought a lot of things online and had all the parcels delivered to her sister-in-law’s house. Yes, that was her husband’s sister. Can you imagine what would happen in that family if her secret was exposed?

Another said that she only had skewbalds and piebalds, so when she bought a new pony, she kept one of her others at a friend’s until her other half was in a good enough mood for her to break the news that she’d been pony-shopping. Apparently, as long as the numbers remained the same, he couldn’t tell one horse from another.

If both partners are earning and don’t have children, it must seem much easier. Once you’ve each paid your share of joint bills and expenses, there’s usually some wiggle room on personal essentials. That’s why one of my friends has two horses while her husband has three vintage motor bikes.

But if you aren’t bringing in money because you’re looking after your children, or work part-time to fit in with school days and holidays, it’s more complicated. Horses aren’t a hobby, they’re a way of life and they keep you sane.

We all know how frightening it is to add up the costs of keeping a horse. I’ve tried it a few times and usually stop when I’ve totalled the basics.

The real answer is to count the cost of what would happen if you didn’t have one. You might be richer in monetary terms, but you’d be much poorer in terms of health and happiness.

Horses help us keep fit, mentally and physically. When life is getting you down, an hour with a horse will lift you up again. And when you’ve mucked out, ridden and groomed, who needs a gym membership?

Most of us go without other things and shop creatively to keep our horses. I’ve got a few designer labels in my wardrobe, but they all came from charity shops; and while I spend £140 every six weeks on shoes, they come in sets of four.

The strongest relationships are those in which partners support and respect each other, but acknowledge and appreciate each other’s independence. The saddest ones are where one person sublimates their interests and follows the other’s.

If you’re passionate about horses, they shape who you are. Without them, you’d be a different person – and poorer in all the ways that matter.